Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
