everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
