Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
