ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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