Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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