So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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