She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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