I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The best revenge is premature balding
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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