4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
