my being single is dangerous.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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