why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
