I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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