I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
