i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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