I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
