okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We need to get me chipped asap
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
