the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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