farters have to be the big spoon...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
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