this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
