he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he shaved USA in his pubs
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
