The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
