Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
