i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
