So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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