He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
