; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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