And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
