you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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