Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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