I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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