You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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