Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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