No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am one with the molecules
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
