Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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