All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
