We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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