i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
