So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
