Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
