this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
