I want to have your abortion
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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