so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
