My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
