I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
