Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
