dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
