i don't like sucking hair
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
