I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize