True but thats because hes a fetus.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
