what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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