well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
