dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
