he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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