Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
