My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
