How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
