Moan for me like Helen Keller
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
