Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my being single is dangerous.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
