DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize