First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
