Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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