just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
