? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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