I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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