He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
