I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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