Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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