i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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