Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
handjob tips. give me some.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
