Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
