it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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