using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
