We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
