I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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