When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
