hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
