It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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